Learning to deal with loneliness: the challenge of the 21st century
- Women are more lonely
- Self-stereotypes of old age: internalising ageism
- It is urgent to stop turning our backs on old age
Situations of loneliness arise at all stages of life due to events such as industrialisation, the movement of the rural population to large cities or the increase in life expectancy, especially among the elderly. To face this challenge, the ‘La Caixa’ Foundation's ‘Siempre Acompañados’ programme was created 10 years ago.
In today's society, initiatives such as the ‘La Caixa’ Foundation's Always Accompanied programme, a pioneer both in its approach to loneliness and its intervention model, are decisive in accompanying and empowering people over the age of 60, placing them at the centre, as active subjects in their own ageing process. In 2024 alone, more than 2,900 people in a situation of loneliness were assisted and, according to the latest study carried out, almost 70% of the participants perceive an improvement in their emotional state.
The most common causes that precipitate loneliness in the elderly arise from significant life changes, such as retirement, loss of affection or the first ailments and health problems. According to Javier Yanguas, scientific director of the programme, ‘the importance of facing and knowing how to manage these transitions in life is a determining factor in coping with the feelings of loneliness that they generate’.
Camino Oslé, doctor in Pedagogy, social worker and gerontologist, and member of the Navarra Bioethics Committee, points out two main types of factors that determine loneliness in old age: ‘Individual conditioning factors, centred on mobility and cognitive capacity, and collective conditioning factors, which depend on social relations’.
Women are more lonely
The gender perspective is also key to understanding loneliness, as it is more prevalent among older women. ‘We have a longer life expectancy than men and, therefore, we suffer more from the scourges associated with old age,’ says Camino Oslé, who is supported by the data: 70% of people living in residential homes are women, according to the census of residential centres of the Spanish social services, prepared by the Institute for the Elderly and Social Services (IMSERSO).
In most cases, women's loneliness is intensified when their role as carers comes to an end: ‘Many women used to be involved in caring for the family and the home. When their children leave or they become widows, if they have not had time to create a social network of their own, they shut themselves up at home and fall into isolation,’ she adds.
Isabel Cabrera, professor at the Faculty of Psychology at the Autonomous University of Madrid and researcher for the CUIDEMOS team, believes that the current socio-cultural context ‘plays a very important role’ in this social isolation and the possibility of weaving networks and personal ties. The loss of neighbourhood networks and community spaces is even reflected in the structure of cities. ‘There are hardly any green areas or urban spaces in which to sit down and share a conversation,’ he says.
Marino Pérez: ‘We live in a society of floating individuals, without roots, where meaningful and lasting relationships are scarce’.
The growing individualism of today's consumer society does not help either, as it leads to fewer and poorer quality personal relationships. As the Professor of Psychology at the University of Oviedo and writer Marino Pérez states in his book The floating individual, ‘we live in a society of floating individuals, without roots, in which meaningful and lasting relationships are scarce’. Hence the relevance of having the involvement of the community in order to re-establish lost social ties in old age.
Self-stereotypes of old age: internalising ageism
Ageist behaviours also influence the perception of old age. Ageism, which is internalised throughout life, generates a negative view of what it is to be old and has a significant impact on ageing that can affect physical and psychological health.
In her research, Isabel Cabrera has detected that healthy, autonomous 60-year-olds take on these stereotypes as their own: ‘They begin to have doubts about their abilities, they perceive that they have less control and this leads them to stop doing things’. These self-imposed behaviours result, among other things, in feelings of guilt and burden that can lead to ‘dependency, depressive symptoms or even cognitive deterioration’, says the psychologist.
Older people sometimes do not express their feelings of loneliness because they assume that being older means living alone, but ‘ignoring the emotion they are feeling is a barrier to finding help’, adds Cabrera. In her experience, these mistaken beliefs are coupled with the stigma of loneliness as a personal failure: ‘There is a social rejection of negative emotions and that is a problem, because they are part of life and the first step to move forward is to accept them’.
Isabel Cabrera: ‘There is a social rejection of negative emotions and that is a problem, because they are part of life and the first step to move forward is to accept them’.
This current ‘tyranny of happiness’ functions, according to Marino Pérez, as an ideology. ‘The term almost refers to an obligation to be happy, as if those who are not happy do not want to be. It is assumed that being happy is easy and a choice, but there is certainly no science or techniques to be happy. And it becomes a tyranny when people are forced to laugh despite whatever ailments they may have’.
In older people, a great example of this narrative of the relentless pursuit of happiness is at the stage of retirement. Socially, it is viewed from a very hedonistic perspective, as a great event in which to enjoy leisure time without obligations. However, for many people, this loss of role at work and no longer feeling useful can lead to a great existential void. ‘Some people even hide their discomfort from their close circle because they are supposed to be happy all the time,’ says the psychologist.
It is urgent to stop turning our backs on old age
Old age is at the antipodes of a society that uses youth as a yardstick: being young nowadays is synonymous with being well. Francesc Torralba, doctor in Philosophy, Theology, Pedagogy and Art History, points out that ‘the archetype of man or woman that is presented in all communication channels is young, slim, healthy and, moreover, rich. And everything that doesn't fit this archetype we try to hide in the shadows. There is a fear of being stigmatised. Yet vulnerability is the most universal feature of the human condition: we can all be hurt. Even Achilles was vulnerable.
Joan-Carles Mèlich: ‘The word loneliness does not necessarily have to have a negative meaning, and when it does, perhaps it is not loneliness but abandonment’.
According to Marino Pérez, the current challenge is to prepare new generations to know how to grow old and face loneliness. Joan-Carles Mèlich, PhD in Philosophy and Literature from the Universitat Autònoma de Barcelona and winner of the 2022 national essay prize for La fragilidad del mundo (2021), adds that ‘the word loneliness does not necessarily have to have a negative meaning and that, when it does, perhaps it is not loneliness but abandonment, which is the realisation that you don't matter to anything or anyone’.
‘It has taken a lot of effort for us to be able to live longer. That is why future generations must look forward to old age’, says Camino Oslé. According to her own experience, it is necessary to look at ageing from a certain age onwards: ‘Being in contact with the reality of the elderly is fundamental to understand what is to come. It prepares you and gives you tools so that in the future you can understand and face this new stage ‘living every day of your life, which is not about living many years, but about living them well’.