Opinion

Disband the Guardia Civil... Now!

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I will now transcribe the letter I received from the Secretary General of the Interconfederal Committee of the State Platform of Miscreants, Scoundrels and Corrupts, the PEMALVIVIR, who asks me to circulate it among the public in general and the gangsters, gunmen, rapists and scoundrels in particular. It reads as follows: 

Very good sir, may my first words be to prostrate myself on my knees before the great figure of the President of the Government, His Excellency Mr Pedro S√°nchez, for having heeded the demands of our beloved Navarrese and Basque separatist forces and giving his approval to strip the Guardia Civil of traffic competences in the area of the Foral Community. 

It is well known here and in Pernambuco that the Guardia Civil is a group which, since its foundation by the Duke of Ahumada in 1844 and to date, has done nothing but cause significant damage and harm to the members of our Platform, whose aim is none other than to appropriate what belongs to others, cheat, plunder, rape and pillage individuals, the State coffers and anything else they can, as well as undermine the institutions of the rule of law and, if possible, break it up. 

However, the decision taken by the never sufficiently praised and extolled coalition government, which entails the expulsion of the Guardia Civil de Tr√°fico from Navarre, is a measure that falls short, very short, very short. 

Therefore, as the maximum leader of the State Platform of Evildoers, Scoundrels and Corrupts, with the strength that comes from being re-elected at gunpoint in 2021, but unanimously, I demand the following:

Create the People's Guard  

  1. 1That the Government presided over by the Beloved Leader immediately disband the Civil Guard, which has caused so much calamity for more than a century to the members and sympathisers of our Platform. 
  2. That all the barracks, weapons, vehicles, ships and aircrafts, dependencies and infrastructures of the Guardia Civil, as well as its budget for 2023 - especially its budget - be transferred to the People's Guard for the Security of the Government, from now on, the GUPO. 
  3. The GUPO, whose creation must be authorised by the Council of Ministers before the end of the current year, will be the new organisation to be instituted by means of a Law, for the greater glory and protection of those of us who, day after day, sacrifice ourselves to appropriate other people's property and damage people, property and the foundations of parliamentary democracy. 
  4. That each and every one of the current members of the Guardia Civil be kicked to the curb. The ranks of the Popular Guard for the Security of the Government, the GUPO, should be filled immediately and exclusively with those members and sympathisers of the PEMALVIVIR who can prove that they have a long record of crimes and criminal records. Those who, having been pardoned, have declared by word or intention that they will "do it again", will also be able to join the GUPO. 
  5. Ah! And no more parades to select a locality in the emptied State to host the General Directorate of the GUPO... you know how these things start, but not how they end. Thus, the Headquarters of the GUPO will remain at the headquarters of the current Benem√©rita, in the centrally located Calle de Guzm√°n el Bueno in Madrid. 
  6. In the hope that the expectations of the State Platform of Miscreants, Scoundrels and Corrupts will be met by the Executive, which has fallen short with the expulsion of the Guardia Civil de Tr√°fico from the motorways and national roads of Navarre, is why I am here to try to resolve the half measures of the initiative of His Excellency the Minister of the Interior, Mr Fernando Grande-Marlaska. 

In Madrid, 13 December 2022. 

Agapito Pito y Repito, Secretary General of the Interconfederal Committee of the State Platform of Evildoers, Scoundrels and Corruption.