President Sánchez, a national danger and also an international danger?
A staunch defender of the unity of Spain and of harmony among all his compatriots, to whom he loves and to whom he conveys endless tons of prosperity, his behaviour at all times and in all places is based on respect and adherence to the truth, as is demonstrated every time he opens his mouth... sitting in the dentist's chair.
Some Spaniards, few, practically none, do not seem to agree with the brilliant ideas he puts into practice. But they should know that his progressive measures accelerate the continued progress of the privileges, current accounts and bank deposits of those who bless and support him in his outrages, sorry, raids.
It is true that President Sánchez cannot go out into the streets and take a bath with the masses. But there are so many of his admirers that, if he did, he would run the risk of being shaken, squeezed and having his shirt torn.
His fans have an inordinate desire to have their photographs taken with him, but also to own, smell and adore a piece of one of his garments. Those, which are impregnated by the perfumed liquid sebaceous grease -vulgar sweat for the rest of us mortals- emanating from the excellent sweat glands of his delicate skin.
30 May 2024: Thanksgiving Day
But since ‘for lack of bread, there's no such thing as a piece of cake’, the good-natured Pedro makes up for it with the spontaneous, warm and sincere cheers and applause that he receives from his fellow party members standing on their feet, whether at the rallies that his party organises in cities and towns, or in the hemicycle of the Carrera de San Jerónimo in Madrid.
It is very gratifying for him to see and hear how the PSOE deputies in Congress, all in unison, give him a standing ovation for being their leader. In return, as the generous and grateful man that he is - just ask former minister José Luis Ábalos, the man behind the so-called Koldo case - Pedro keeps them snuggled in the shade of his tree and gives them their longed-for perks.
Applause started by the spokesman Patxi López and seconded by the delicate little finger of the left hand of the First Vice-President of the Government and Minister of Finance, María Jesús Montero, on seeing this milksop of human virtues who walks, talks and acts with honesty, without pretence, without any ulterior motives, enter the hemicycle and then listen to him.
On Thursday, 30 May, for example. A day that will be noted and underlined in the annals of Spanish history as a fateful, lamentable and sad Day of Infamy, sorry, that memorable Thanksgiving Day. On this day, by dint of holding on to power, Pedro Sánchez has wrested from his unconditional and interested supporters the Organic Amnesty Law for the institutional, political and social normalisation of Catalonia, the supreme work of law.
A law that will undoubtedly bring about reconciliation and reunion between the Catalan separatists and the rest of Spaniards, as Pedro Sánchez and his acolytes are chanting. I encourage you, if you are of age, to bet that such reconciliation and reunion will become a reality before the arrival of the first human beings on Mars. Cheer up, the profit is assured!
So it is scientifically proven that President Sanchez is not a national danger, but a benefactor, a patriot and, in short, a good man... to boot. Therefore, we must take care to put into practice the first commandment of the Ferraz catechism which reads: ‘You shall love Pedro Sánchez above all things, and thy neighbour... fuck him’.
Concerned for the welfare of the diplomatic corps in Spain
But is he an international danger? Of course not! On the contrary, he is the main trouble maker, sorry, he is the greatest mediator and problem solver that has ever existed in the history of mankind.
In May 2021, no less, he managed to get Morocco's ambassador, Karima Benyaich, to step down. Concerned for her health and well-being, he sought to have her return to Rabat for a period of rest, which lasted until March 2022.
Almost simultaneously, he made Algeria's gas supply to Spain fashionable. Attentive to increasing the revenues of the North African country's coffers, he did everything possible to increase the tariffs and reduce the flow of gas shipments agreed by previous governments in Madrid with the authorities in Algiers. Quite a feat.
More recently, his keen eye for safeguarding Spain's strategic interests has led him to take steps to have Israel recall its ambassador, Rodica Radian-Gordon, for consultations. The president had noted that he needed to bathe in the salty waters of the Dead Sea. Packed with magnesium, potassium, calcium and bromine, its therapeutic properties are beneficial for the diplomat's skin and her physical and mental well-being.
And what about her close ties of friendship with the President of Argentina, Javier Milei. The cordiality began with praise for the new tenant of the Casa Rosada by the Minister of Transport, Óscar Puente, the elegant verb of Valladolid. This was followed by an exchange of familiar compliments that, for the time being, culminated in the recent dismissal of the Spanish ambassador in Buenos Aires, María Jesús Alonso, ‘thanking him for his services’. Quite a detail.
In the absence of a fifth disagreement, which may soon arise in Moncloa or the Palace of Santa Cruz, all of the above proves beyond doubt that the Spanish Prime Minister is not an international danger, but an undisputed peacemaker and world leader. He has the highest regard and respect from his counterparts, starting with Joe Biden and ending with North Korea's Kim Jong-un, a misunderstood man like Pedro Sánchez.