Sonia Bader: "With my trilogy I wanted to build bridges between cultures"

Through books we can travel to distant, exotic places. We can learn about new cultures, something that opens our minds and frees us from stereotypes and prejudices. All this is possible in the trilogy of Sonia Bader, a woman who, for reasons of life, has had to face great challenges. However, these obstacles have allowed her to grow personally and spiritually. For this reason, her books (Bella Constantina, Eres Ghalia and Bienvenida Aurora), besides having a great cultural weight, are focused on personal growth and self-help. Sonia Bader, through her experiences, provides the reader with invaluable tools that will help them to connect with their inner self.

What prompted you to write this trilogy?

Writing the trilogy didn't happen overnight. It goes back a long way. First, I would like to tell a little bit of my story about how it all started so that you can understand a little bit about this result and why a trilogy.  I was born in a beautiful city in the north-east of Algeria, called Constantine. I am the fruit of a mixture of two cultures, Arabic and Spanish, and that has allowed me to not feel like a foreigner at all. Due to the circumstances of my life, I grew up in a different environment and that made me grow up with a maturity that was not appropriate for a girl of my age.

I dedicated myself to studying, I loved it!  And I graduated with a degree in computer engineering. Well, I can say that I had a normal life, until Algeria went through a long period of terrorism, and that event made me live very scary years. But at the same time, thanks to these adversities, I became aware of many things, and I learned to appreciate more the fact of being alive.  Remembering that makes me emotional! But at the same time, thank God, all that is over! But the country had been left in a desolate situation after so many years of fighting terrorism. Have you ever felt that everything was out of your control? Well, that's how I felt. Still, love always triumphs and can emerge in any situation. I fell in love, got married and had my son. However, the situation was not good at all, there were a lot of financial problems and the birth of my son accentuated that feeling of unease. "I have to think about my son's future," I said to myself. So, my husband and I decided to try our luck here in Spain. The worst decision according to my family, which paradoxically, I now know, got me where I had to be. To my trilogy. In 2003, we came to settle permanently in Madrid. My son was only 3 months old. Leaving everything behind (home, work, friends, and family) left me with a deep sense of helplessness, even though I was convinced that I had made the best decision for my son's future.

I had to start from scratch, I put all my efforts into raising my family, which was not easy. At that time I couldn't get my qualifications recognised, it wasn't like now that everything is digital. Despite arriving from Algeria with my savings, I had to start working as anything. I started as a cashier in a supermarket, I didn't drop my rings, because as they say, "children bring out the best in us". The worst too, but in difficult situations they bring out the best in us. So, little by little I tried various things, I even opened a commercial services company for Gas Natural. But eventually I had to close down, and I became bankrupt. Those were very hard months, which caused a big rift between my husband and me, leading to a complicated divorce process. If for others life went on, for me, the world had completely collapsed! However, by chance, and I say by chance because there are no coincidences, thanks to my fluency in several languages, I entered the world of diplomacy, where I have been for more than 15 years now.

It was an apprenticeship. Even then I discovered how much I enjoyed experiencing change, new things, and challenges. I also became aware of the importance of having solid values, and of my great love and empathy for people and the international arena. However, although I was doing well in my working life, and I was very grateful for it, I was not happy on a personal level. I felt that I lived to work. I had no friends, I had no fun, and the burden of the responsibility of raising my son alone was weighing on me more and more.  Until about three years ago, coaching came into my life, and I started to question the meaning of my existence in this world. I felt I was missing something; I felt a responsibility to do something to help others. I felt that I had to put all that life experience and wisdom at the service of others. For he who does not come to serve, is good for nothing. But first you have to start with yourself.  From that moment on, I dedicated myself to reading, learning, and training with great mentors in the world of personal growth. I connected with my life purpose: "to share my life experience to inspire other people to know themselves better, accept and love themselves in order to positively transform their lives". And that's how I started this journey of personal growth.  When I went through this process, I wanted to show that it can be done, I wanted to put all that baggage, all those experiences, all that wisdom in some books. And this is the reason for my trilogy.  That's why the first book is called Bella Constantina, because it all started in the city of Constantina, the city of the seven bridges.

Did you know before you started the first book that you wanted to do a trilogy? 

Writing three books instead of just one is part of the mentoring I did to become a writer. Even so, I never imagined writing a book, let alone a three-volume novel - I really love writing!  What I did know before I wrote them was that they would be self-help or personal growth books. Then I decided to pay homage to my roots, to my culture, to the fact that I am a mestiza. I wanted to take the best of both cultures. I felt obliged to mix two things that I am passionate about: Arab and Spanish culture with a world that I am discovering more and more every day and that I am in love with: personal growth. I wanted to blend all this transformation into a story, a novel, so that it would not be a typical personal growth book, although it is full of valuable practices and tools. In my trilogy I wanted to speak to the friend through characters who speak frankly about their feelings and do so with humility and wisdom.  Hearing from others about their successes and mistakes has the effect of challenging and comforting us at the same time. Readers see how this plot puts words to their feelings, their fears, and calls them to find in these pages their own keys to give new meaning to their lives.  This is what inspires and motivates readers to take the first step.

What inspired you to create the story and develop the characters?

Sharing our story not only becomes a point of connection with others, but also a source of inspiration, and that usually allows us to close gaps in their lives. I was inspired by myself, by my experience, by everything I've lived through. I wanted to offer, through an exciting story, practices and tools on issues that give greater meaning and fullness to our lives, addressing essential aspects that have to do with the relationship with oneself, with others and with the circumstances that surround us, both those we can control and those we cannot.  The novel is about two friends, Aurora, and Sara. One is going through an existential crisis, while the other also has wounds to heal. Both decide to travel to Constantine, in the north-east of Algeria, a city surrounded by seven bridges, to find answers and get out of the impasse they are in. They had no idea of the impact this journey would have on their lives, helping them to reconnect with their being. The story begins in Constantina and ends in Madrid. I wrote it based a bit on my own history, the history of my parents, friends, and good people I know and left there, although I always carry them in my heart. On the other hand, this novel of personal growth is full of true events, and all the names of the streets, food, places, and stories are real because it is about the city where I was born and grew up, as well as documenting myself.

So, would you say that the main characters have parts of you?

Many readers ask me: "Are you Sara or are you Aurora?" (The main characters of the books) I don't tell them anything clear! On each page, readers will find numerous stories from my life, from the most complex to the most wonderful, which will confirm that human beings are full of possibilities to succeed. 

What messages do you want to convey with your books?

I would be very happy if, when reading my novel, people would ask themselves whether they are living fully and, if not, what is hindering them from doing so. They will be able to reflect on whether they have lived the way they wanted to live and what changes they could make to take control of their lives.  Often life sends us signals, it tells us “Not this way, not this way". How many people, in the wake of an accident, illness or other major challenge, have asked themselves "is this really what I want", "is this really what I deserve", or "is this really the life I want to lead or deserve to lead"? This is where I take readers through this story. They realise, situation after situation, that everything has a solution, that challenges are there to strengthen them, to prove their greatness.

In an attempt to sum it all up, I would say that life is about bridges. As Bertrand Russell said: "the most difficult thing in life is to know which bridge to burn and which bridge to cross". People are not often aware of this, but we are crossing bridges all the time. When we leave behind people who have hurt us or painful memories in order to heal, we cross the bridge of fear to reach the other shore, the shore of serenity and inner peace. Every day, without knowing it, you cross one bridge or the other.  The bridge of fear, of courage, of joy, of believing in yourself, of trusting in yourself. This is a question of faith, not religious faith, the faith of trusting in oneself. And on that bridge there may be people who will go with you to the end, others who will accompany you for a little while.

Who would you like this message to reach?

My trilogy is addressed to all those people who want to grow integrally. To those who want to take control of their lives, manage their emotions, and strengthen their spirit to have a life more connected to love and abundance. The proposal is to live from the inside out, with the certainty that when you connect with your inner power everything that is impossible becomes possible. There comes a moment in life when you start to open your eyes, you start to question yourself, what they call the mid-life crisis. If it doesn't happen to you at 30, it will happen to you at 40 or 50, but it happens because that's what we come for, to grow as human beings.  That is why the novel Bella Constantina is written for those people who are looking for the meaning of their lives, those who doubt, who dream of a better life and who have often cried, have been afraid, not knowing what to do, and at this moment in their lives want to find the answers.

In terms of content, what are the differences between the 3 books from your point of view? 

My personal story has taught me a lot, so I offer what is in my trilogy as a window through which I have come to see life. I am sure that, through its pages, you will accompany Aurora and Sara on a journey full of emotions that will put you in suspense, reflection, that will make you smile and maybe shed a few tears.

The first volume, Bella Constantina, is a blend of culture, narrative and personal development. Through an enjoyable and entertaining story, I introduce readers to a stunning country (Algeria) and a fascinating culture, the Arabian one. A world to discover and a perfect destination to live a journey towards the search and discovery of your life purpose. In this first part I explain certain important points, so that the reader understands this culture based on Islam. I felt the responsibility to clarify concepts and ideas, without entering into a religious or political context, without trying to impose my vision on the rest of the sensibilities, I wanted to write a book with soul, and my voice. I talk about traditions, recipes, Arab craftsmanship, Berber jewellery, the Tuaregs, Ramadan, prayer, the concept of death and many anecdotes such as the origin of marzipan or the hand of Fatima. Then, through the story I wanted to teach the reader that, in order to achieve a change in their lives, they first have to know that there is a process. They have to start taking responsibility for their happiness, and that all their challenges are not problems, but rather learnings that are there to teach them to grow, to become stronger.

The second volume Eres Ghalia is a very special book for me. When I started writing it I knew right away that I wanted it to be encouraging and inspirational. But I also knew I had to tell the truth about my life, that is, starting with adversity and pain. The word Ghalia, which means precious in Arabic, and for a long time feeling if was my unfinished business.  In this volume I tell a true story, which makes you reflect on the meaning of loving yourself and loving others. Love begins in you, in the essential intention to persevere in one's own being, because if the love you feel does not point in the direction of living more and better, it does not serve you, it is not good for your life.

The third volume is entitled Welcome Aurora. During all these years working in the world of diplomacy, I have been in very beautiful places, I have met great personalities from politics, the government, show business, footballers... but I am still the same person. The important thing is the value of you as a person. Who of us is an expert on human experience? We only have the gift of sharing insights in the hope that they may be of help to others on their journey through life. I invite readers in this third book of the trilogy, the learnings that led Aurora and Sara to face the big questions of life. When you listen to your heart, you believe again that a change of life is possible, and you don't stop until you get it. Every dawn tell life with enthusiasm "here I go again".

So, each book is a level, like a staircase?

Yes, that's right! I don't know if it's happened to you, but many times, you pick up a book, you start it and you put it down, and it's a super interesting book that people have recommended to you, but it doesn't inspire you at all. And it's a super interesting book that people have recommended to you, but it doesn't inspire you at all. Why is that? Because you're not ready, it's not the right moment.  I'm sure that everyone at some point in their lives, they hear a slight reflection: "If I could, I would...", or "someday I would love to...". That means that a gentle longing is asking you to speak. Small and light but rather stubborn. Unfortunately, we tend to push such thoughts aside. We will deal with it later. That's why I start with Bella Constantina, to first take the reader out of her perhaps chaotic life and tensions, making her travel from her couch into a fascinating world, and from there, in the second book, the story plunges her into the depths of her soul, to help her reflect on it honestly and closely and see the importance of changing her way of thinking and living life. In the latest volume Bienvenida Aurora, and as the title indicates, I invite the reader to receive the good in life with every sunrise. Now that he is determined to love himself and love life, I plant seeds in his mind and heart, overcoming his excuses to finally get back on his feet.

Algeria, in particular Constantine, plays a very important role in the novels. So does Arab and Algerian culture. As you said, you wanted to pay homage to your roots, as well as explaining the tools for self-acceptance. 

I like to see myself as a bridge builder. That is, building bridges between people, races, cultures, trying to find ground.   Regarding Arab culture, a fantastic job is being done at the diplomatic and institutional level. The truth is that Arab and Spanish cultures have always been mixed and have many similarities. There is an impressive legacy of the union of these two cultures that is palpable in the most spectacular monuments in cities such as Cordoba, Granada and Seville. Many people do not appreciate the cultural value of such a wonderful heritage.  For me, all cultures are wonderful and building bridges between them fosters tolerance, which is necessary as people are now being manipulated a lot on this issue.  I know the Arab world very well and felt a responsibility to dispel misunderstandings, to focus the eyes and hearts of my readers on the wisdom of these two great cultures. We tend to label and stereotype everything. However, labels are attached from all sides. This tendency is very dangerous, we have to get out of the separate consciousness in which we have been made to grow up. Therefore, the only responsibility we have is to question our personal beliefs and philosophy of life, with the humility of a learner.

"It guided me to go deeper with my inner self", "it helped me to listen to myself", "it taught me to rescue self-love", "it helped me to introspect on my personal and cultural beliefs". These are some of the testimonies that several readers have left on your blog. But what has this trilogy meant to you?

For me, writing the Bella Constantina trilogy has been a wonderful gift. A gift that I have given to myself and to all the people that my novel will help to improve their lives.  I have written it from the depths of my soul, a reflection of my own transformation. The intention of writing part of my story is not to showcase myself as an example, but to create awareness in every person who reads it. In this novel you will find not only my own teachings, but also valuable reflections from great authors and mentors. I can assure you that my intention in writing these three books is to reach the hearts of many people regardless of race, nationality or religion, whose existence is in danger of falling into the path of depression and unhappiness. Or if they are already on it, have the decision and strength to understand that just when you feel empty you can be the beginning of a new path.

Do you have another book or another project in mind?

In 2022 there will be more surprises. In the meantime I am about to launch my online course called 'It's time to choose you'.  I chose this title for a very precise reason. When I look back, I remember those nights when I would go to bed with a strange feeling, a malaise. That constant feeling of not getting there, of having forgotten something. I remember falling exhausted, after hours at work, rushing to get to my son's basketball game, shopping, dinners, baths, and that report still to be finished! One more night, I would close saying to myself: "Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll make time for myself".  But tomorrow came and, once again, the hours flew by! Weeks went by and, with them, my attempts to achieve it grew, until one day I looked in the mirror and saw a woman who looked like me, but I had no idea who she was. That day, something in me decided to wake up. Today I want to help other women to achieve it.

One of my main objectives in developing this course was to reach the people who really need my help. That's why it is aimed at professionals who like what they do, but not "how they do it", and want to find a way to develop their profession that fits who they are and what makes them happy. Mothers who are overwhelmed and exhausted by always prioritising others and who have no time for themselves. Women who do not feel valued or listened to in their family or work environment. Women who want to get more clarity about their priorities in life, who feel blocked by their daily routine and don't feel like doing anything, and above all it is aimed at mothers who want to make themselves prioritise more. It is a 6-week course with exercises and tools. There is also a weekly online meeting to resolve any doubts that may arise. At the end of the course I have a private session with each one to see the growth of each student.  To register or get more information you can do it from my website www.soniabadermanzano.com or through my networks (Instagram and Facebook @soniabadermanzano).

Finally, I would like to thank you for this opportunity to make my trilogy and my work known. It has been a great experience.